Don't stay. Leave

It's like fate.

We will meet someone we need to meet in our life at certain time.

We don't know is they passerby or the staying person,

until sometime in the future you realized, that person had left.

Realization might be late.

But it's okay, because when you finally realized, 

the person is no more an important one to you.

It's an expiry date for everything

including the relationship between people.

Only when you are lucky enough, 

the expiry date is on the day you died.

When one don't stay.

They don't mean to stay.

I know, let go of something you really love is hard.

but it is a torture when you forced things do not meant to be yours to stay.

To put it down somehow is better than always lifting 

upset for a while is still better than to be tiring for a long time.

Yes yes, emotions can not be controlled,

I know, I understand, because me too. Being like that.

I always saying that I want to let go.

In facts I'm still holding it, maybe not tight, but still there in my hand.

I don't want to wait.

But I can't help. 

I don't know how.

Well. Sem break is soon.

One Month time.

I hope it's enough for everything. 

:)

我衹是很任性

請原諒我
偶爾來得不合時宜的任性。


你問我我開心嗎，我會説我很開心的。
不是沒有煩惱，但是爲什麽要讓別人也煩惱？
我們一起很開心的，就好了不是嗎。
鬥鬥嘴，駡駡架。


我説我沒生氣的時候 是真的沒生氣 真的真的真的
衹不過偶爾會突然感到生氣，不是因爲某些行爲舉止，
就是突然感到失望的生氣。
有一些感覺就是深深地被埋著，土地濕潤的時候突然破土而出。
我已經盡量很快很快地把破土的芽給砍掉了。
可是我燒不到根，除不了。
所以它才會偶爾偶爾又冒出新芽，然後我在來不及做任何措施的情況下，被折磨得痛苦了，
我才會發現它，然後再砍掉。



我其實覺得自己變得好可怕。
我什麽時候是個那麽喜歡哈哈大笑的人。
而且笑完了 轉頭便變得冷漠。




那個手掌不是我的，
那個手臂不是我的，
那個肩膀不是我的，
那個暖腰不是我的，
那個眼神不是我的，
那個笑容不是我的，
那個人，不是我的，
全部都，不是我的。


我不知道了。

給我一點點時間。

讓我的小情緒冒一冒，它明天就會不見的。
明天沒有不見，那麽後天。




是我本來就不愛笑
還是更加不想笑了呢。





我想，
我還想等。
等什麽我不知道。
等等看一切會不會變得好起來。

如果你對我不變，我便對你不悔。

我不知道怎麽把事情變好。
不要再問我“你好嗎” 好嗎
我衹會說好。
我不知道自己有沒有不好
哪裏不好。
總之還是吃吃睡睡。
非常好。







今天穎銀姐姐美美的結婚了。
我卻在這裏浪費了一天。


我的兩件衣服還沒設計
我的logo還沒有頭緒
我還有一張poster還沒好
還有assignment！！！！
我到底在拖什麽。

已經要考試了。

哦，今天第一次吃到了我覺得在Labuan最好吃的雲吞，
所以我決定例那雲吞爲最好吃雲吞沒有之一。

嗯好。
心情已經好了。
謝謝再見。
因爲我睡了一覺醒來了。
很任性是吧。
真開心。

Half month until 2017

Half Month,
or actually around half a month
until 2017.

Been through a lot ups and downs in these few months.

The successful Mid-Autumn Festival 2016
The okaykay BITFEST
The memorable APK
The suffering assignments, which im still having 2 assignments to be completed now.
The pretty pretty APN appreciation dinner.
The cool BITFEST closing ceremony
The lovely MAF gathering and appreciation dinner.
The awesome FKI Gala Night
and The heartbreaking weeks.

Things did changed,
I'm not sure things got better or worst.

But the important thing is that I'm still alive
HAHAHHAAH.



It's cool.
I had happily-smiling-everyday-days
I had Bitch-resting-face-days
I had bad-tempered days
I had heart-beats-fast-days
I had Silly-hahaha-days
and I had a lot not-enough-sleep-nights but early-wake-mornings.



Appreciating again.
everyone gave me advises regarding everything
from event designs to life advises.
YASSSSSSSSSSS
thank goooodnessss I have got you guys

If you are reading this.
I'm actually thanking you.
guiding me all the way.
advising me all along the road.
and concerned about me.
My feelings, my health problems and all.
I sincerely thank you.
But i don't even know who knows my blog tho.
Glynnis, Qijia, Jinsheng, zhaohan and alllllllllllllllll of you
whoever asked me ÄRE YOU OKAY?


and cute girls in life!
Please be cute as always.
Because you sweet peeps are so good in cheering me up.
and I think I'm so a material for an elder sister!
HHAHAHAHA



starting to pickup and pen and try doodle. starting from a weird doll with large face
i think i can keep it up.
Please pray for me i can keep it up.




Well,
I might had some kind of mood swing.
like, smile so less, people thinking im so fierce, and easily get annoyed or irritated.
and now i keeping HAHAHAHA
i dont know. hahahahaha,
YASSSSS im good, okay?




Don't blame people on things that happened.
Change from ourselves first.
Learn things from mistakes we made.

Maybe collision made us grow stronger
made bonding stronger
or its okay if we get further.

Things do not need to be crystal clear.



No one done anything wrong,
just that maybe wrong timing.
wrong decision. 



and,
hoping CCNKAL2017 will go very very well.
good luck!

and, untill next time!
will miss ya, miss here. ;)










And I realized i do miss. 

Recent Life

Maybe there is people will be asking,
"aren't you said you damn need sleep? why would you have time for blog?"
I just need to, I need to confess and make my brain easier.

I have been an emotional person for all the time,
All day, Whole day, Everyday.
Wasn't purposely being like that.
just that, things happened couldn't make me happy or cheer.

Well, I have been telling people that think in the positive ways,
but deep down in me,
I know I can'r either.
when things happened, I automatically thought of bad things first.
as well as a question,
when somebody says that, "I need to tell you something."
First instinct is that, what is the bad news the person gonna bring me.
But I know, it wasn't only me.


I had tried to calm myself, in all way.
sleeps, eats, talks, walks, and anything that i think i could make myself better.
but,
no.
I'm having serious headache, and feeling head spinning, but I just can't sleep.
I did eat, but doesn't eat much, yet ended up with gastritis, hungriness, without appetite.
I don't wanna talk.
I'm so tired of doing anything.
But my brain spins so fast, everything ran through it,
but i don't know what are they.
I wish i can tell someone, but I don't know how to open it up.
and I left it there.
or maybe in my snapchat, sometimes.


I almost went broke down.
Because the person who said who will together fight with me
saying wanna quit.
I used more than a night to calm myself.
feeling really stressed out.

Then things all come together,
its actually me, made things happened.
yes.
It's me who didn't forecast the things, which I should have did.
It's me who delayed all the things, doing other things.

Like now, I'm spending time for this post,
instead of having my database done.
I know, it's all me, made the things happened.
I just can't help.



Sometimes I need to talk to someone,
Sometimes I need to be with someone without talking,
Sometimes I need to be alone,
Sometimes, I just need the warm tight hug.

But, incredibly, I found no one to be the someone,
I almost couldn't breath, but they doesn't understand.
they thought I'm just wanna be spoiled,
they didn't know I'm breaking down, getting out of control.

I am not that kind of person great or good in social.
often doing awkward with peoples.
forgive me, if I'm doing annoying.
If I'm doing irritating,
or even I being ignorant.
Please forgive me.
I am just so not good into these.





And I'm standing up right now,
whoever read this.
I'm sorry if my words disturbed you.
and thank you for reading.

Then I will be standing up and doing positive again.




I always wanna be a person with positive attitude.
I always encourage people with positive thoughts
Now, please, I wanna be positive again.
Then I will be good and strong.
and capable to things and hectic life.






xoxo.

Time had been running fast!

And it had been a month, since the last post.

Good news is that, I’m back!

Bad news is that, I have got nothing to update.

Somehow just feeling to come up here.

Month of October, the month of the second event.

Yet, this event didn’t done as satisfied as the previous Mid Autumn Festival event.

Mmmph. Just, so so. Yep.

Best part of the event? I think? It’s overnight in mpp room for twice? And Abang Amos’s house for twice? Oh and continuously 2 nights in jiaxin’s hostel by broking in the locked room (opps)

Best part. Yep.

It had been so, new, hmmph, because, this is the thing I never (or less?) do, since I always follow the rules and regulations and hold my own principles tight. So, yea. J

In this month, went Lazenda hotel 7^th floor twice.

One for Ang Pau Night Appreciation Dinner.

And another was for BITFEST closing ceremony.

Was like, woahhh. Hahaha. Yet I still never had chance for lazenda’s cakes tho.

But those were cool, cool like I can doll myself up, like so long I wished for it hahahah.

Oh and, I met Jin and Rueben and Jin’s wife, Michelle in person!

I was one of the crew who fetch them from Labuan airport.

Sit at the first row by taking crew’s priority when they giving talks,

And too taking crew’s priority to stick around them, tho, they don’t know… hahah

But it was like, woahhhh, those used to be in my laptop screen. Is in front of me! And took photos with me some more.

#JinnyboyTV is so cooooooooooool. Hahaha

  ---------

but,

went through all that.

my assignments haven't done. 

and, mid term exams still haven't ready.

im dying. 

but can't. hahahaha.

--------
then, this week is one week of mid term break.

going nowhere except once again labuan one day trip.

as we went Labuan Airport, Botanical garden, Chimney Museum, Labuan Bird Park and too, beach, AGAIN.

though it was actually went for something.

which is shooting videos for assignments, and, those are not my assignments. pathetic.

i had been a cameraman for 2days. 

and looked like a little boy, which... i cannot. ...

.
and now. i should've continue my assignment. kay bye.

Year 2 Sem 1 head start!

I had been shooooo busy ever since I back into UMSKAL.
Some more, I'm a lazzzy blogger.

Second year in UMSKAL!
feeling... seriously?! time flew.
I turn out being moved from Alpha (inside campus hostel) to Mutiara (outside campus hostel)
everything was good, only have one worst part which i joined events and we have curfew and transportation limits moving between Mutiara and campus.
other than that, everything are okay.

......

a, belated Mid-Autumn Festival wish here
中秋节快乐！ haha

Was so much satisfied with all what I had contributed.
One day Trip in Labuan, which it's my second one day trip in Labuan after a year.

and successfully done a MAF night, where our montage video was enjoyed and praised by so much people which made me so moved.

I felt the bond between committees too, the very first bonded feelings.
Im soooo glad, i joined this, sincerely.


The only thing is that, too bad i didnt joined in committee group photo because im a mutiara resident.

Then,
Next will be BITFEST
Business & I.T. Festival,
it's international competition!
checkout more in our facebook page!
Join us yooo!

nehhhh short post for today.
till next time!

Allergic made me.

Hi!!!
I am actually suppose to be at Labuan right now,
wellllll, you see, i was sick, and still need to go back for checkup,
so i missed the chance to have fun with PSM.

To be frank, its mixed feelings,
it is some kind of lucky, that i need not to go back that early anymore,
so i spent more time with my beloved ones around me,
and i found i am so so blessed.
Yet, feeling it's a shame that i missed the chance to have fun and go through some kind of hard days with teammate (PSM), it must be tired but fun and could build strong bonding among people, its awful, i missed it.

alright, since i've missed it, its no use crying over spilt milk.



Anyway, why did i admitted into wad?
it was drug allergic thing.
Rashes was all over my palms, arms, face, and body.
even blisters on lips.
I couldn't eat and drink for at least 4 to 5 days.
BUT i didnt get thinner, i've got bloated instead. HA HA HA.


Well, rashes still there, not disappearing, which means shoulders need to be hided
and no nice nice sleeveless clothes.

till next time.



take care of your liver!